<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Here For You by Pixiestick_cc</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22833328">Here For You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiestick_cc/pseuds/Pixiestick_cc'>Pixiestick_cc</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Mutual Support</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:48:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,062</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22833328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiestick_cc/pseuds/Pixiestick_cc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan lowered his head. “I am so sorry, Padmé,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I promise, that whatever happens, I will be there for you.” There was a pause as he brought his gaze back up. He took her hand, his deep blue eyes shining with tears and determination. “I am here for you,” he declared.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>251</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, I'm just here to add another "Padmé lives" fic to the internet.</p><p>I've been a Star Wars fan for years (especially the prequels) but have never really tried writing for the fandom bc the lore is just sooo big and I'm afraid I'll get something wrong despite having seen all the movies, read a handful of books, and watched most of the tv shows. I understand how devoted the fandom is, so if I get a detail wrong ... I'm sorry!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Obi-Wan expected to feel shocked. And without a doubt, that would’ve been the appropriate reaction to have after witnessing the carnage inside the Jedi Temple and then discovering a security hologram that laid bare the reason behind it all. A hologram that was still looping in his mind despite having been switched off for some time now.</p><p><em>So much death.</em> <em>And Betrayal. And a new name ... Lord Vader.</em></p><p>Jedi and youngling alike, all senselessly murdered by a man that until recently, Obi-Wan had considered his closest ally. As dear to him as a brother. He waited for the wave of denial to wash over him. That this couldn’t be. <em>Not Anakin.</em> And yet, all that settled inside his chest was a resigned sadness intertwined with the uneasiness he’d felt plaguing him for years now that something terrible like this might happen, that Qui-Gon’s attachment to the Jedi prophecies had simply been a deep devotion to them and nothing more. </p><p>Obi-Wan never admitted it out loud. Who could he tell? Certainly not Anakin, and the Council would likely use it as evidence against his friend. So he spent a great deal of effort tempering his fear, assuming it was a failure on his part to trust the Force and nothing more. But the worry never truly went away. Every so often it would whisper in his ear that the boy they found on Tatooine was never meant to bring balance to the Force. That Qui-Gon had studied the Holocrons too closely and put all his faith in someone who, while certainly an anomaly, was not meant to fulfill any mystic prophecy.</p><p>No, Obi-Wan couldn’t be shocked because no matter how hard he’d tried to ignore the signs, his intuition had seen this coming for a long while and now it was too late.</p><p>Eventually, this realization gave way to grief. Grief for his lost Padawan and Master. He’d failed them both. The blame was his to bear as was the burden to make right what he could out of a seemingly unsalvageable situation. Yoda had gone to find Palpatine and challenge the Sith Lord’s burgeoning hold on the galaxy. This left Lord Vader to Obi-Wan. But his heart resisted, and reflexively- his mind sensing an acute need to push away from thoughts of harming Anakin- a memory surfaced. A hand, soft and gentle, pressing his forearm as he kneeled in mourning beside Qui-Gon. “I am here for you,” a voice said. “Are you ready?” Obi-Wan lifted his bowed head to look at the young queen next to him, her eyes conveying sympathy and a wisdom way beyond her fourteen years. The question was in reference to the pyre that had been erected for his Master. <em>Are you ready to say goodbye to him? </em>Padmé had been there then. A comforting figure in the face of destruction. For her planet and for Obi-Wan. Threads of grief had tied them together during that moment, and dispiritingly enough, held fast even now, because Padme loved Anakin too.</p><p>Suddenly, the comforting embrace of those memories relinquished him, leaving behind a purpose. He needed to find her. Obi-Wan wouldn’t dismiss Yoda’s order to stop Anakin, but Padmé was just as important. She was a link and at present, needed his help more than anyone else. Yoda could hold his own against Palpatine, and even if it seemed impossible for him at the moment, Obi-Wan could face this new Lord Vader. Padmé though … she wasn’t like them. Her attachment to Anakin put her directly in harm’s way but without a Jedi’s ability to fight back.</p><p>Despite their secrecy, Obi-Wan knew about Padmé and Anakin. How could he not? The three of them were like family, and the efforts to keep their marriage hidden were clumsy at best. At least where it concerned him. He’d chosen to remain quiet on the matter for over a year now, unsure of how to approach such a sensitive subject. And when it became apparent Padmé was expecting, Obi-Wan was at an even greater loss for words. How could he possibly tell Anakin to forsake his own child? Especially when leaving his mother behind had been so difficult.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe that is another area where I failed him. If only I’d stepped in and said something sooner ... </em>
</p><p>No. There wasn’t time for ruminations on what he could’ve done differently. At that moment, only Padmé mattered. Anakin was beyond his reach, without hope, and would come rushing in to claim his wife and their unborn child, dragging them into a dark web of Palpatine’s design. And if she refused the life the dark side offered? That all too familiar sensation of losing a friend clasped its icy fingers around his heart, but Obi-Wan shook it off. <em>I will not lose her too.</em></p><p>Memories of his time on Naboo came racing back again as he hurried from the Jedi Temple. Of watching Qui-Gon’s demise from behind a barrier and being unable to defend him until it was too late. That tragedy was eerily similar to his current situation in the sense that he was being left with a purpose. Back then he’d taken Anakin on as his Padawan as a means of continuing his Master’s belief in the prophecy. A promise had been made to a dying Qui-Gon and he’d followed through, the Force willing it so. However, it never truly felt like his decision. And perhaps that was where he’d gone wrong. This time, a purpose thrummed inside his heart. A choice all his own. He would find a path to redemption in caring for those left in the wake of Anakin’s destruction. Obi-Wan only hoped he would reach Padmé before Lord Vader did.</p><p>And still, in the embers of his heart stirred a tiny flicker of hope for his lost friend. He was possibly being naive but Obi-Wan wanted to believe that maybe with Padmé’s help Anakin could still be saved.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>When she woke, her hands instinctively went to her throat as if phantom fingers were still pressing inward, cutting off oxygen, and causing her vision to explode with spots of black, each quickly coalescing into a dark nothingness. Padmé’s movement and subsequent clawing at her neck caused something to loom over her. A face. Familiar and not frightening. </p><p>
  <em>Not Anakin.</em>
</p><p>“You’re safe, Padmé,” Obi-Wan tried to soothe, but she seemed unable to grasp what that meant. <em>Safe?</em> <em>How can that be when I’m suffocating?</em> “Padmé!” He raised his voice, while still managing to convey the calmness she was currently unable to find. “He can’t hurt you. You’re safe with me now.” His fingers gently wound around her hands and guided them down to rest over her swollen abdomen. She was on her back and quickly swept her gaze around, taking stock of their situation- Obi-Wan to her right, the ceiling of the star skiff above and its low hum all around.</p><p>Anakin and Mustafar nowhere to be seen.</p><p>Turning her eyes back to Obi-Wan, she attempted to say his name, yet only managed to force out a nonsensical rasping sound before he shushed her. “Don’t try to talk, we’re on our way to Pollis Massa’s medical facility. They can care for your injuries there.”</p><p>She didn’t need to ask if their hastily put together plan had worked. The feeling of Anakin using the Force against her after she’d refused to stay with him was one of the last things her mind recalled before the dark spots had completely dragged her under. Padmé fought the urge to pull at her throat again, trying to remove what couldn’t be seen but most certainly had been felt. A memory weaved together from the torn images of her most recent past. Obi-Wan making a promise to her. He would remain hidden unless absolutely necessary. She hadn’t seen him step off the ship but had heard his voice, strong and commanding, ordering, “Let her go, Anakin!”</p><p>Tears welled in her eyes. A mixture of relief and sadness. She was glad Obi-Wan had come to her aid but was heart-broken Anakin couldn’t be convinced to come away with her to hide from Palpatine and raise their family outside of his dark grasp. And not on her life did she ever think he would resort to … she pushed back against it. The anger in his eyes as he raised his hand. Fingers curling. The memories broke through anyway and shattered her mind into a million tiny shards of despair. Sobs resembling a succession of rusty metal scrapes rattled her damaged vocal cords, and in response, Obi-Wan lowered his head. “I am so sorry, Padmé,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I promise, that whatever happens, I will be there for you.” There was a pause as he brought his gaze back up. He took her hand, his deep blue eyes shining with tears and determination. “I <em>am </em>here for you,” he declared.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the rest of their journey to Pollis Massa, Padmé lay uncomfortably as Obi-Wan watched over her. Uncomfortably, because not long after regaining consciousness she’d refused a sleeping patch. He’d found it along with some other medical supplies that would’ve been useful had her injuries been less severe. His relief over having discovered something- <em>anything!</em>- that would lessen her pain, turned to confusion when she resisted help. Unable to use words or even twist her neck more than a fraction, Padmé expressed her opposition by pushing his hand away when he held up the patch. She wasn’t force-sensitive, but their connection gave him the ability to search out a shell of the emotions running through her. When a faint panic struck him, it took only a moment to understand why. She didn’t want to go back into the dark Anakin had forced her into even if it meant escaping the pain he’d caused. </p><p>The guilt that had been sticking like tar to his insides since leaving Mustafar suddenly felt more viscous. Another coat of darkness added to the many Obi-Wan was already drowning in. This was his fault; the idea of saving Anakin had been his. She likely would’ve gone to find him anyway but he’d been the fire beneath her feet, convincing Padmé with an impassioned plea that his brother- her husband- could still be redeemed. Anakin’s fall had been a product of manipulation by Palpatine. Pulling him away from the Emperor’s influence was the only way to save him. “He loves you, Padmé. And your child,” he’d reasoned. “Only you can convince him there is a way beyond the darkness that Palpatine has blinded him with.”</p><p>And then when she truly needed him, he’d faltered, disbelief dulling his reflexes a mere fraction of a second. But that was all it took for Darth Vader to gain control. Seeing the massacred Jedi should’ve prepared Obi-Wan for anything. Yet, hope had colored his every action since leaving the Temple. It wasn’t a foolish sentiment but could be defined by its naivety if a situation wasn’t examined rationally enough. And it was hope, in regards to saving Anakin, that had been Obi-Wan’s downfall and by extension, Padmé's as well. </p><p>Even now, seeing her brokenness- in body and spirit- he could hardly fathom that Anakin was the reason behind it all … that he’d attempted to take her life. <em>Foolish hope.</em> He’d succumbed to its elusive allure and now she was suffering for his misplaced optimism.</p><p>After her refusal of sedation, Obi-Wan didn’t offer to use the Force to keep Padmé calm like he wanted to, assuming it might be a while before the energy flowing around them could be remembered for its healing properties and not just its ability to claim lives. Obi-Wan remembered a time, right after Qui-Gon’s death, when he had been wary of lightsabers. Seeing his Master run through with one had rattled his reasoning skills. A Jedi’s lightsaber wasn’t wielded in the same way as a Sith’s. Any sensible person knew that. And Obi-Wan had even used his own to eventually defeat Darth Maul. Still, trauma tended to distort the galaxy in a haze for a time. It had taken him a week or so before everything came back into focus. Having the Council’s support and Anakin to watch over certainly helped with shoving him back into reality. Staring at Padmé now, holding her hand in his, he wondered how long it might take her to see the world as she once did. He couldn't imagine it would be anytime soon. Not with all the layers of betrayal weighing her down.</p><p>When they arrived at the base, Obi-Wan gently lifted Padmé into his arms using elements of the Force to make the effort seamless. She remained quiet, but he could sense her distress. “It’s alright. They’ll be able to help you here. And I’ll stay with you throughout the procedure,” he assured. A moment passed and then soft fingertips came up to brush his cheek, surprising him, before trailing down his beard and settling over his gently thumping heart. A silent thank you. He fought the urge to say he didn’t deserve it- not after causing so much to go wrong for her- but that wouldn’t have been fair. Obi-Wan’s guilt was his alone. Padmé already had enough to navigate without adding another person’s trauma to hers. He had promised to be there for her and that meant making certain she was given every opportunity to heal. The gaping wound festering inside his heart- her hand placed over it like a makeshift bandage- would have to wait and be analyzed on another day. One far far away from this one. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Try as she might, Padmé couldn’t stop reliving the moments leading up to everything growing dark. The relentless pressure on her neck. The sensation of being lifted. The dark spots. A fit of anger so palpable it surrounded her like a vice, becoming as real as The Force he was using against her. And then nothing. Over and over the scenes played in her mind. Obi-Wan had offered a sleep aid, but she’d refused. Despite the recurring nightmarish imagery, returning to a place of oblivion somehow felt worse. At least here, she had some control over what was happening. She’d had none of that when Anakin …</p><p>Inside the medical facility, a surgical droid gave her a shot that numbed the pain but kept her awake. Obi-Wan had insisted she not be put under and it gave her peace knowing he was attuned to what she wanted despite her inability to audibly convey those needs. And he did just as he promised, staying by her side as the droids slowly reversed the damage done to her throat while also assuring both of them that the babies were well. The droid’s use of plurality had raised one of Obi-Wan's eyebrows but he kept quiet and she was thankful for not having to explain. </p><p>Once she was sent away to recover in a separate room, the droid explaining that the treatment would take an hour to fully heal her vocal cords and bruising, Obi-Wan stated that he needed to confer with Yoda and Bail Organa, who had finally arrived. “Would you mind if I left you for a short time?” he asked, his expression apologetic. “There are things I need to discuss with them,” he made a fluid gesture towards her with his hand, the sleeve of his robe swaying slightly with the movement, and for the first time she noticed the fabric was singed, “plans to be made considering your condition.”</p><p>Padmé sat up from her reclined position. “Shouldn’t I have a say in the matter?” Her bruised throat scraped with each syllable, but Obi-Wan was able to understand her imperfect words.</p><p>“I assumed you wouldn’t feel well enough.”</p><p>There was a heaviness in his voice that she took offense to. <em>Well enough or mentally capable?</em> Certainly, he knew her <em>well enough </em>to recognize the fight she still had in her to survive and the ability she possessed to choose her own path forward. For her and her children. Again, she didn’t need to say how she felt. Their connection spoke for her. </p><p>“Forgive me if I offended you, Padmé. My only concern was in giving you the appropriate amount of time to heal.” He paused to stroke his beard, thoughts running through his head, then with a sigh he said, “But I suppose my wounds are as fresh as yours and if I am capable of navigating our new reality then you are as well.”</p><p>A shiver of shame traveled down her spine. Perhaps her reaction had been too harsh, prompted by a need to feel in control after suffering through a situation where she’d had none at all. With careful movements, Padmé attempted to stand and recognizing this, Obi-Wan rushed to help, snaking his arm around her back and bringing her upright with a gentle pull. She thanked him and said, “I want us to do this together. We’re stronger this way. And after everything that’s happened, I fear we might not have many allies left beyond the two waiting for us down the hall.” Obi-Wan nodded in agreement and was about to lead the way out of the room but lingered at the door before turning around. “What is it?” she asked.</p><p>He almost looked sheepish, and Padmé didn’t have to guess to know the question he was clearly communicating with his expression. “May I ask you … about the babies.” She dipped her chin, a reluctant yes. “Does anyone else know you're carrying twins?”</p><p>Padmé thought she was ready to acknowledge the truth she’d been hiding, but a sudden ringing made her hesitate. Did Obi-Wan hear that? And then the awareness … it was coming from her ears. All at once, she was back in her apartment, having just returned from learning the news. <em>Not just one baby. Two! </em>More responsibility but also more to love. And more for Ani to worry about. It had taken her only a few hours to decide to keep him in the dark. At least until his nightmares receded into the background of everyday life and became simple white noise. Anakin was traumatized not only by his mother’s death but also the war. He just needed time. Time to come to terms with all the loss and destruction he’d witnessed. She would learn to smile and say what he needed, her positive presence rebuilding the broken man he’d become. What he needed was a family to love him. She and the children could fix him. She <em>would </em>fix him!</p><p>But she hadn’t.</p><p>“No, I didn’t tell Anakin,” Padmé finally replied. “I was afraid …” <em>For him</em>, she wanted to say, but honesty broke through. What did it matter anymore? She no longer had to lie to herself. Anakin was gone and she didn’t love Darth Vader. But the man standing beside her was a friend who deserved to hear the truth. “I was afraid,” she continued after taking a breath, “of him.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan wanted to be brave- for Padmé and her children- but as he stared at the drawn faces and weary bodies sitting around the table with him, he wasn’t able to reach down and pull that piece of him out from hiding. He felt like a youngling again, fearing the unexpected. So much of the last few hours had been heightened emotions mixed with instinct. Now that he was sitting, taking in all the damage, his adrenaline sank to the floor, leaving behind an exhaustion like he’d never felt before. Especially after hearing Yoda inform him and Padmé, “Alive, Darth Vader is. Saved by Sidious, he was.”</p><p>“It can’t be …” Obi-Wan began but lost his voice after realization struck. It very well could be. He’d been unable to watch Anakin’s death, walking away as the flames licked what was left of his body. Another failure to stack with all his others.</p><p>“Palpatine has already released a message on the Holonet stating it was you who attempted to take the life of Darth Vader and managed to abduct his wife, Senator Amidala," Bail Organa said.</p><p>“So everyone thinks Obi-Wan took me and not that it was Anakin who tried to ...” She didn’t finish, her voice nearly inaudible anyway due to the surgery.</p><p>“Unsafe, are you both.” Yoda pointed a claw at Padmé and then moved it to Obi-Wan, an invisible thread tying them together. </p><p>Bail leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table, his kind eyes studying Padmé. “Do you have a place to go where your husband would not presume you to be?”</p><p>“Not without contacting someone Anakin likely would already be keeping track of,” she hoarsely replied. "He knows everything about me."</p><p>“I might have someone I could contact,” Obi-Wan interjected. Three sets of eyes turned his way, but it was the woman sitting next to him that he spoke to. “An old friend of Qui-Gon’s. He used to be a Jedi but hasn’t communicated with the Council in years. I doubt the Clones were able to get to him. And I've never spoken to Anakin about him. It was his wish to disappear and I kept my word.”</p><p>“Speak of Rael Averross, do you?” Obi-Wan heard Yoda say and he glanced away from Padmé to look at him.</p><p>“I’ve kept some contact with him over the years, but not enough that it would be obvious to those paying attention.”</p><p>The odds weren’t great, but it was the best Obi-Wan could offer all things considered. He just hoped Rael still considered him a friend and would help.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There is no such thing as a sleeping patch in the sw universe, but enough can be gathered from the medical side of wookepidea to guess that it's possible something like that exists. Anyway this is fanfic so let's just all have fun :) </p><p>Rael Averross is a character from 'Master and Apprentice' written by Claudia Gray.</p><p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Padmé was used to ships that were large and ornate, especially when she’d been Queen of Naboo. As Senator, they were less decorative but still expressed her role in government as someone who spoke from a position of power. But now, she only spoke for herself and so it seemed fitting that the ship Bail lent her and Obi-Wan was non-descript, nothing of consequence that would be noticed as it sped across the galaxy. It was appropriate and gave her an idea. </p><p>The shears were from the same droids who had worked on her throat but unlike them, her efforts were less than perfect. That was to be expected considering she’d always had a handmaiden's help before. Her hair was a piece of her culture and like the ships of her past life, she needed something less showy. No more headpieces. No more long tresses twisted into knots, buns, and threaded with ribbons. Just a blunt cut that rested against her neck like a blade. Once the act was done, she regarded her new look in the room’s mirror. Never had her hair been so short. Not since her mind began holding onto moments. And this moment was one that would absolutely stay with her. The start of something new. Some<em>one</em> new.</p><p>When Obi-Wan came into her room moments after her impulsive decision and saw the drastic change, he stilled, his gaze shifting from her head to the floor where the locks had scattered as they fell. When their eyes met again, a look passed over his face that Padmé was unable to read. “It must be quite shocking to see,” she said. “But it’s what I’m known for and it had to be done. They’ll be looking for a senator from Naboo. As terrible as it sounds, I need to destroy her.”</p><p>
  <em>Just like my star skiff.</em>
</p><p>It was supposed to look like an accident. Those who found the debris from her ship would likely assume that after leaving Mustafar she and Obi-Wan had met a terrible fate. Bail agreed to lead investigators to the wreckage, once again proving himself to be not only an ally but a friend as well.</p><p>“I see,” Obi-Wan said, his voice low and contemplative. “Perhaps I should do the same.”</p><p>“How so?” </p><p>He ran a hand over his beard. “I’ve had this for many years now.”</p><p>Padmé couldn’t quite explain the dread that suddenly came over her. So much was changing and she’d tried to accept it all with courage. But this? Something deep within her rejected the idea. Perhaps it was the last straw. A small burden among many that slowly accumulated into a mass too heavy to bear. A silly beard that for some reason gave her comfort and one she was unwilling to lose. “No,” she found herself declaring.</p><p>“No?” he repeated, his brows pulling together. </p><p>A slight sting ran across her neck as she cleared her throat and attempted to explain away her outburst with reason rather than emotion. “No, in the sense that it provides you with cover. If you remove your beard it will show who you are more easily. If anything, you should grow it longer. And your hair too.”</p><p>“So the opposite of you?”</p><p>“Well, I don’t have any facial hair to shave- at least I don’t think- but I suppose the analogy still works.”</p><p>Obi-Wan briefly smiled and the upward pull of his mouth lightened her heart. Their lives were being upended in the most awful way possible and small moments of levity would be needed going forward. She didn’t want to imagine a galaxy where there was no happiness left to be found. Her children deserved better than that.</p><p>“Would you mind if I helped you with your hair,” Obi-Wan asked, picking up the discarded shears.</p><p>“You want to cut more?”</p><p>“Just level it out some. I do have practice in the area.” He ran a hand through his hair. Of course, a Jedi wouldn’t have a personal stylist. Her life was far beyond the lap of luxury, but admittedly she’d had advantages where others had not and it would do her well to listen to his advice. </p><p>“By all means,” Padmé replied, gesturing for him to stand behind her.</p><p>He worked silently, taking care to remove the longer strands contrasting with the shorter ones until her hair resembled something less impromptu. The moment felt oddly intimate and when he took a step back, laying the shears aside, she was forced to blink away tears as she turned to face him. Knowing Obi-Wan was willing to help, even in this small area, soothed the ache in her heart. Of course, he’d always aid those in need. He was a Jedi after all. This though was a product of his kindness and their friendship. It left her deeply moved.</p><p>When Padmé remained quiet, attempting to keep her fragile emotions from spilling over, Obi-Wan was inclined to ask, “Do you not like it?”</p><p>“No no, it’s fine. I was merely distracted thinking of the journey we’re about to begin.” It wasn’t a lie; the thought had been occupying her mind these last few hours. Absently, she rested a hand against her abdomen. One of the twins pushed against her palm as if urging their mother to reveal the truth behind her deflection. “And I was also feeling grateful that you’re staying with me … with all three of us, after what he …” Her words trailed away. It didn’t matter. Obi-Wan knew. </p><p>“You don’t need to thank me, Padmé. What kind of Jedi would I be if I abandoned you?”</p><p><em>You’d be Anakin </em>… The thought was dark and best kept to herself.</p><p>“And besides, The Order is gone. Those of us left are scattered throughout the galaxy. I wouldn’t know where to begin on my own. At least with you, I have a friend nearby. So you see, Padmé, I need you just as much as you need me.”</p><p>She wasn’t so sure about that. A fugitive Jedi on the run with the pregnant wife of a Sith Lord sounded very one-sided. Padmé kept her misgivings to herself though and remembered that together they were stronger, even if one side benefited more. “Yoda may being going into exile, but there is still one Jedi out there you know of,” she reminded him.</p><p>“Averroes,” Obi-Wan mused. “I only hope he’s still where he was the last time we spoke.”</p><p>“I suppose we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?” Padmé replied and briefly took his hand. </p><p>They shared a look- a moment passing between them that silently spoke of their commitment to each other- before Obi-Wan gave her a small hopeful smile and stated, “We’ll be leaving soon. I better go make sure everything is set for our journey.” </p><p>She let his hand fall and gave him a nod; Obi-Wan did the same and then left her room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bail Organa making an appearance inside the ship hanger shouldn’t have surprised Obi-Wan. Yoda had already departed as had Organa’s aides, making the senator one of two individuals still left on the base that he knew. Still, Obi-Wan reflexively moved into a defensive position after sensing Bail approaching him. He had been distracted pulling at the charred threads of his sleeve, wondering if the robe should be abandoned. All things considered, it was a simple act- throwing away a damaged item- but one that felt decidedly final and so he hesitated. The robe was a piece of who he was. A part of his story. And the burned portions were like the markings of a chapter coming to a close. No longer could he call himself a Jedi. He had to find a new identity. Just like Padmé did when she cut her hair. Obi-Wan swallowed the growing lump in his throat and acknowledged Bail with a head nod, his tense muscles relaxing and fingers retreating from his lightsaber. “Senator.”</p><p>“Please, call me Bail,” he said and Obi-Wan nodded again.</p><p>“Bail.”</p><p>“I’m sorry if I startled you,” he continued, letting a large sack fall from his hands and rest on the ground between them. “But that’s certainly understandable considering what you and Padmé have been through.” He glanced over his shoulder, towards the doors leading out of the hanger, his thoughts clearly turning to her.</p><p>Obi-Wan couldn’t think of what to say. Of course, Bail was right, but that didn’t mean he was willing to discuss the events of the last twenty-four hours with him. He hadn’t even been able to speak of them with Padmé beyond what was necessary. An awkward silence saturated the air around them and picking up on this, Bail turned his attention to the sack at their feet. “A few odds and ends, but mostly clothes for you and Padmé,” he explained, and after a short pause added, “And for the children.”</p><p>Finally finding his voice, Obi-Wan asked, “How did you get them here?”</p><p>“I had my aides bring them with the ship. Some of my things and Breha’s. The infant clothing is from when she was expecting.” His brow briefly knit as if he were burdened with a memory. </p><p>Obi-Wan didn’t think it was possible to feel any more grief, but the unspoken portion of Bail’s story forced a lump to form in his throat again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”</p><p>“No one did. We hadn’t yet made a formal announcement, but that didn’t stop her from sewing a few pieces of clothing for our baby. She was very optimistic. We’d been trying for years and thought that finally after making it to three months she was past the threat of miscarriage but then ...” He sighed and his expression relaxed some. “But you and Padmé need these items more than we do. Breha sends them with her blessing.”</p><p>Obi-Wan had never met Bail’s wife but knew Padmé was close with the Organa family. Even so, the clothing of a lost child wasn’t given lightly. “When you speak with Breha, let her know her generosity is greatly appreciated.” </p><p>There was genuine warmth in his smile when Bail replied, “We both want you to know that if either of you ever needs anything, you only have to ask.” He reached for Obi-Wan’s hand and pressed a comlink into his palm. “It may be a while before we can freely speak again, but in the meantime, Alderaan will do what it can to help.” And then he surprised Obi-Wan for a second time by pulling him into an embrace and saying, “Take care of Padmé. She is the best of us and deserves better than what life has dealt her.”</p><p>“I give you my word, I will protect her with my life,” he stated without hesitation, a strong determination filling him as he spoke. </p><p>“I have no doubt you will,” Bail replied, clapping Obi-Wan on the back before releasing him. </p><p>A moment later, they heard the soft hiss of doors sliding apart and in walked Padmé, her newly cut hair highlighted by an equally new outfit. A light blue maternity dress that must’ve once belonged to Breha. It was tight but better than what the medical droids had draped her in after taking away the clothes she’d worn on Mustafar. He assumed that outfit was long gone, too full of painful memories.</p><p>Obi-Wan greeted her with a small wave and she returned the gesture, her short waves bobbing as she moved towards him and Bail. Overall, Padmé appeared the same yet different. Still the woman he knew but with a new appearance inside and out. And as she neared, Obi-Wan removed his robe, a decision finally made. “Use it as proof of my demise,” he said, handing it to Bail who gave him a quick nod in return. “My time as a Jedi is over for now,” he told him, casting off his past and forging ahead with a new destiny. One with Padmé at his side. </p><p><em>I will protect her with my life </em>he inwardly recited the promise he’d given Bail, now making the words ring true to himself. <em>I will!</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>Not wanting to risk any communication being intercepted, Obi-Wan intended to search for his old friend on the planet where he’d last seen him, all his hope placed in Rael still residing there and accepting two fugitives into his home. One of whom happened to be very pregnant. Rael didn’t mind Obi-Wan’s occasional company since they had their past with Qui-Gon in common, although, he feared this would hold only so much weight. How much would Rael be willing to sacrifice for them? Maybe nothing at all. Obi-Wan tried not to dwell on these thoughts as they proved to do nothing but cause him anxiety. He needed to take their new life at a measured pace. If one road proved unattainable, then there were always others to discover. Padmé still had a little over a month before she was due and there were enough supplies and credits to their new identities to last them a few trips around the galaxy.</p><p>Padmé for her part kept any doubts tightly locked inside, although Obi-Wan definitely felt them. They talked little, aware that Anakin would likely be the topic of any conversation between them and as they moved among the stars- the ship’s quiet hum seeming so much louder in the absence of their voices- Obi-Wan found himself thinking of the last time he’d been on Tatooine with Padmé. Although, at the time he’d assumed she was one of Amidala’s handmaidens and not the queen herself. Qui-Gon naturally had figured it out long before he did. </p><p>Back on Pollis Masa when Obi-Wan informed Padmé where Rael lived, she’d tried to hide her dismay. Tatooine was a planet full of dark memories of death, slavery, and lost love for them. And also one Anakin was unlikely to step foot on for the same reasons. “Why would your friend want to retire there?” Padmé asked, schooling her features into a false indifference he easily saw through.</p><p>“To get lost, I suppose. It may be a den of lawlessness, but one can also go there to be forgotten. He’s had many hardships and disappointments and as a result, he trusts very few people.”</p><p>Obi-Wan could tell Padmé was unsettled over the idea of visiting and possibly living on a planet linked to Anakin, but she managed to blithely needle him by replying, “Well, then I suppose we should be so lucky he took a liking to an old curmudgeon like you.”</p><p>“I am hardly older than you,” he’d protested, not sure why this bothered him more than the insult to his character. “And I’m younger than him.”</p><p>That had been before. When Padmé was still attempting to accept her fate on Tatooine by finding humor where there was none. Now she was quiet. Contemplative. And like him, worried. “Bail offered to keep us hidden on Alderaan,” she admitted when they were close, the cloudless and sand-covered planet finally coming into view. The first words she’d spoken in a long while.</p><p>“He did?”</p><p>“I didn’t want to impose on him and Breha. They’ll have their hands full attempting to build a resistance against Palpatine’s empire. Alongside Mon Mothma, Bail has the greatest ability out of anyone in the Senate to create some pushback. I would only be a burden to him. And if we were ever found out … I wouldn’t want to put the whole planet in danger.” She exhaled slowly, a sad pensive sound. “I’ve seen what Darth Vader is capable of and if he ever discovered that I lived and took his children away from him, I imagine his anger wouldn’t be limited only to me. I chose wrong when it came to love. I thought I could save him and now I have to live with the consequences of hoping I was enough. But I won’t make a whole planet suffer for my weakness … my foolishness.”</p><p>Seated beside her in the cockpit, Obi-Wan took his eyes off a slowly approaching Tatooine to stare at Padmé. Her voice had been hard and resolute, but her expression told a different story. Tears were welling and her lips formed a small pout while the Force spoke of deep sadness. Obi-Wan could have patronized her, told her that she’d done nothing wrong, but sensed that wasn’t the correct course of action. Padmé’s ideals were the best of her and he wouldn’t discourage that, yet that didn’t mean lessons couldn’t be learned from past mistakes. He pulled in a breath and took her hand. She turned her head, tears spilling down her cheeks as their gazes met. </p><p>“He fooled us both, Padmé. We wanted to see the best in him and so it blinded us to his worst. You couldn’t save him, but neither could I. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t continue to see the best in others or that we were foolish. It simply means we need to find a different path. I wanted to prove Qui-Gon was right and make sure he hadn’t died in vain, while also protecting my closest friend. You wanted to prove that love was more powerful than the darkness you saw in your husband. Love is still powerful. We were simply pushing it to do what it couldn’t and now we need to redirect that love where it can be used.” He drew his hand from hers and tentatively brought it to hover over her abdomen, waiting for a sign that his closeness was allowed. Padmé brought up her own hand and guided his down until the firmness of her stomach pressed into his palm. When their eyes locked a shy smile was shared between them, and Obi-Wan continued, “We need to pass on our love where it is more accessible. We might not have been able to save Anakin, but there are still others out there deserving of love.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Closing her eyes, Padmé tried to will away the cry building in her throat, the effort nearly as blindingly painful as the contraction she was attempting to suppress. Clone troopers (or as they now called themselves, stormtroopers) were surveying the area and she had to keep quiet. Her worry wasn’t so much for Rael; he had years separating himself from his Jedi past. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, was quite famously known as the Jedi who had abducted Darth Vader’s wife. If they found him, Padmé assumed she couldn’t be too far behind. And then what? Would Darth Vader murder them and claim her children as his own? All the endless terrible possibilities began swimming through her head the moment she learned the Empire was investigating a nearby village. And then when Rael saw troopers not far from his home, fear filled her veins with ice. Clearly, nothing good would come from any of them being recognized and so she focused the pain away. As long as she had the ability, she’d keep the troopers from hearing her.</p><p>Her discomfort soon passed and Padmé softly sighed as lingering beads of sweat trickled down her forehead, stinging her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. It was still early. Contractions could come and go for hours and hers were spaced far enough apart that controlling them through a form of meditation Obi-Wan had taught her was still a possibility. Once they came in unrelenting waves though, she didn’t have much hope that anything short of medical-grade drugs would help. Hopefully, by then Obi-Wan would be back and the troopers would be long gone.</p><p>Padmé edged her body forward so she could gaze at the barn door, but it remained the same as when she first entered and closed it behind her. The low hum of anxiety running through her body momentarily flared. She was desperate to know what was happening out there while she labored alone on a blanket behind Rael’s haphazard piles of junk equipment, a product of him scouring for scraps and then bartering with the Jawas. It was his livelihood, and yet she could only look at the ugly disorder with disdain as if the piles were a personal affront to her senses.</p><p>After discovering she was pregnant, Padmé had imagined all the ways she might give birth- maybe on Naboo with her parents and sister nearby, or on Coruscant with highly capable medical droids assisting while Anakin held her hand. Not once did the scene involve her sitting alone amid piles of junk. Of course, there were many things about the life she led now that didn’t resemble any past ruminations of what she assumed her future might hold.</p><p>It all seemed depressingly ironic that she and Obi-Wan had come to the Outer Rim hoping to escape the Empire and yet, here they were. A month into their new living arrangements and already things were looking grim. However, she reminded herself, not as bleak as they had been on Mustafar. And while it may have been difficult to see a glimmer of hope- especially with her hiding away in here- Padmé mentally recited the promise she’d made not long after arriving on Tatooine. <em>I will greet every morning with a willingness to find a silver lining, even in the most hopeless of circumstances</em>. It wasn’t an easy outlook to have but it did help that Obi-Wan was there for her. He’d been a constant source of encouragement. Except when he wasn’t … like right now.</p><p>
  <em>Where are you, Obi-Wan? I need you.</em>
</p><p>The silent plea was sent out into the ether of what she assumed the Force might feel like. A silly attempt that almost fooled Padmé into believing it worked when she heard the groan of the barn door opening. Only, in walked someone that while not as terrible as a stormtrooper was not as welcome as Obi-Wan.</p><p>“How’re you holding up?” Rael asked in his usual gravelly voice. </p><p>Back on Polis Massa, Obi-Wan had tried to describe Rael Averroes to her. “He isn't what I'd consider a traditional Jedi, and the last time I saw him he still tended to speak his mind, even more so than Qui-Gon and you remember how he could be.”  </p><p>“So he’s blunt?” she’d surmised.</p><p>“Very.”</p><p>“Well, I suppose I’d want someone like that around, then I’ll never be given false hope.”</p><p>And so when they finally met, Padmé hadn’t been shocked by Rael’s abrasive mannerisms. At least his lack of composure was softened by his concern for her. There was kindness behind those eyes despite what came out of his mouth. “I’m as well as to be expected,” she answered, pushing her thoughts back to the present as Rael came to kneel beside her, both of them hidden by pieces of old mining equipment. “I’d be better if I knew where Obi-Wan was.”</p><p>The creases on Rael’s tan, weathered face deepened as his look turned apologetic. He ran an anxious hand through his salt and pepper hair. “We were trying to lead the troopers away by using the Force, convince them there was nothing to see here. I’m a little out of practice though, not on his level anymore, so I thought I’d be more useful to you here.” He paused to glance around at his piles and then gestured to them. “You know, before I collected this stuff, I tried my hand at raising livestock. I had a few banthas in here, one even gave birth.”</p><p>Padmé tried not to groan. Was she supposed to be a bantha in this situation? A smile, more forced than genuine, spread across her lips. “I appreciate the sentiment, but Obi-Wan has been helping me. He knows-”</p><p>“More than I do? Yeah, I’m sure of it. But we’re running low on Jedi who can use The Force here, so in the meantime, he’s got a different job to do, meaning I’ll be your coach or if it comes to it, your doctor.”</p><p>Padmé pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled slowly. A sick feeling that had nothing to do with pregnancy roiled her stomach. “Okay,” she finally said, trying to get past his humored expression. It felt so inappropriate for the moment.</p><p>“Sorry, if I look like I’m enjoying this. Believe me, I’m not,” he replied as if reading her mind. “I’ve just found that denial is the best tool in these types of situations. I’m able to push past the worst if I don’t think it exists.”</p><p>The assumption that Rael wouldn’t ever give her false hope was proving to be very misguided. Here he was actually indulging in falsehoods instead of facing reality. Her silver lining was slowly moving out of reach, but Padmé refused to lose sight of it. She’d make this work. For her children’s sake. “Obi-Wan told me you didn’t mince words, so I suppose I should appreciate you telling me that denial is the key to your pride and competence. In that case, I’ll join you. This isn’t an old barn for banthas, and I am not sitting on a dirty blanket, and you are a highly knowledgeable medi-droid.”</p><p>Rael brushed a hand back and forth over his facial stubble as if in thought and then surprised Padmé by imitating droid noises. “I am here to assist you.” He delivered the words in a voice that reminded her of Threepio and she couldn’t hold back a chuckle. If anything, he’d keep her distracted with his terrible jokes until the next contraction overpowered her senses. Admittedly, she’d much rather have Obi-Wan’s calming presence, yet understood he was needed elsewhere. </p><p>It didn’t surprise her in the least that she’d grown so dependent on him. They had spent every day together since coming here. Usually, Rael left early to scavenge, and during their hours alone, she and Obi-Wan had prepared for the birth. Without him now, when it really mattered, Padmé felt lost, but it wasn’t the first time she’d been forced to improvise. She’d done it many times as Naboo’s Queen and Senator, and could do it once more as a refugee on Tatooine. </p><p>Still, she needed to feel a connection with Obi-Wan to truly face this with only Rael as her help, and even if attempting to reach through the Force was useless, Padmé still indulged the fantasy that it might help her connect with him, wherever he was. She and Rael were already obscuring reality with inaccuracies, what was one more white lie? Why couldn’t she imagine she was force-sensitive like they were? </p><p><em>Please, be safe, so you can return to me </em>Padmé silently communicated, and then resting her palm against her swollen abdomen, she envisioned his hand over hers like he’d done many times before. <em>So you can return to us</em><em>, </em>she amended<em>.</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Obi-Wan finally did open the barn door so many contractions later Padmé was unable to keep count, he looked extremely unkempt, like he’d been wandering the desert during a sandstorm. But it wasn’t the hair thick with sand or the sun-kissed skin a touch away from burning red that alarmed her. Not even the terrified look in his eyes held Padmé’s attention. It was the blood. All over his clothes. He quickly went to remove his robe and shirt, staining them even more with patterns of red from his already bloodied hands. </p><p>Padmé gasped out his name, all her calming meditation techniques leaving in a flash of worry. She would’ve come to his aide if she were able. Every cell in her body cried out to help him. When Rael stood to offer what Padmé could not, Obi-Wan simply waved him away, stating, “It’s not my blood. I’m fine.”</p><p>“Then whose blood is it? A stormtrooper?” she presumed, which honestly didn’t make her feel any better.</p><p>“No,” he sighed wearily, shaking the sand out of his hair and beard. “And it’s not worth addressing at the moment so please don't ask. Just know that you are safe. I’m only upset it took me this long to get back.” He looked up again and the storm of anguish raging in his eyes subsided as they came to rest on her stomach. Still large and still very much pregnant. “So, I haven’t come too late,” he said in relief while moving past Rael to sit beside her.</p><p>“Is it safe to go into the house?” she asked, naturally preferring her bed to the hard ground. He nodded and with Rael’s help, gingerly lifted her into a standing position. Smatterings of blood still covered his trousers and Padmé averted her gaze, however, she couldn’t exactly turn off her sense of smell and the metallic tang nearly made her vomit. </p><p>When they brought her inside and into bed, Obi-Wan disappeared briefly. Returning moments later, wearing clean clothing, he directed all his attention on her and enveloped her hand in his. Even though the blood may have been removed, her many questions over how it came to be were not. The urge to press him for answers was strong, but it wasn’t the right time, which became even more apparent when a contraction began squeezing her abdomen into submission. No longer forced to keep quiet, Padmé released all her pain in a wail that made Rael momentarily tense. Not Obi-Wan though, he held tightly onto her hand, offering up words of encouragement while reminding her over and over to breathe. </p><p>Once she’d made it to the other side of her agony, Padmé heard Rael ask with a smirk in his voice, “Aren’t you glad I’m not your medi-droid anymore?”</p><p>She was, but at the moment Padmé only had eyes for Obi-Wan, his smile wide and his lips soft as he pressed them against her drenched forehead. “You’ll get you through this,” he said, pulling back, their gazes locking once more.</p><p>“I know I will because you’re here with me,” she breathlessly replied.</p><p>And then for some reason, her mind turned back to his bloodied clothes. It must’ve been the delirium of stress running through her subconscious, but she had the odd thought that Bail wouldn’t be receiving any of his items back unblemished. Not that this was even a possibility. She doubted their paths would cross again anytime soon if at all. Yet, the shock of seeing blood on the clothes he’d loaned them had been a sharp reminder of the constant danger engulfing her life now. Eventually, she’d be forced to give up those she cared about and possibly witness them being crushed under the Empire's brutality. Sadness welled in her heart but was overpowered by the clarity of more pressing matters, like welcoming two babies into the world. Babies she desperately wanted to meet. And grasping onto this silver lining, she sent a silent plea out into the Force. </p><p>
  <em>Please, let me hold onto them … I don’t want to lose my children ... or Obi-Wan.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hiding between two large boulders belonging to a long range of rugged hills, Obi-Wan sensed the stormtroopers. While slowly moving from rock to rock, he’d been successful in convincing them that Rael’s home held no interest.</p><p><em>There is nothing for you to see here. You want to move West</em>. </p><p>West because that pushed them further away from civilization and into the desert. If he were lucky, maybe they would die of heatstroke or be trampled to death by a bantha.</p><p>Things had been going smoothly until the troopers began to linger after finding an item of interest in the sand. Obi-Wan blamed his lack of concentration for the slow down as it proved difficult to focus on one serious matter when another equally pressing concern begged for passage into his mind. Being worried about Padmé served no purpose if he couldn’t get the stormtroopers away. And yet, it seemed his thoughts kept shifting to images of her alone.</p><p>Early on, Rael had tried to help him before it became apparent that he was more of a distraction than anything else. “Go to her,” Obi-Wan had ordered in a low yet commanding voice, tapping into that general he’d been not so long ago, and it startled Rael enough that he’d gone without question. It wasn’t his place to tell Rael what to do, especially when he'd been protecting them for the last month. But there was something about Padmé in trouble that took the broken pieces he’d become and smashed them into oblivion. And with one of them by her side, she’d at least have help. Rael may not have been much of a Jedi anymore, but he cared for Padmé and could manage the situation until Obi-Wan returned. </p><p><em>If</em> he returned. </p><p>He shook the miserable thought from his mind and chanced a glance at the troopers to see if they were susceptible to his mind manipulation again. Unfortunately, the two still stood in the same spot, discussing their found object. A weapon perhaps, no bigger than a hand, and certainly not as complex as a blaster or lightsaber. The rustic tool was simple and probably used by the lower class citizens of Tatooine. But these were all guesses. He couldn’t be sure what it was or why the stormtroopers were interested in it?</p><p>When the answer came moments later, it was unexpected, and in hindsight, that was the problem. Like Rael, Obi-Wan’s Jedi reflexes were slowly starting to drift away.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The violent attack was brief and probably meant nothing more than a game to the stormtroopers. Simply testing the weapon on a poor soul who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. To Obi-Wan the refugee, the man was no one he knew personally, but to Obi-Wan the Jedi, he was someone who had died on his watch. And he’d done nothing to stop it. How could he? Revealing himself, killing them, would’ve led the Empire straight to Padmé as would any use of the Force to take the weapon. His only option was in trying to coax the stormtroopers away from the man but that ability was already lacking. He could only wait until they moved on, which the troopers did a few moments after the blade ripped open the man’s chest, prolonging his death sentence by leaving him to bleed out. There would be no mercy blaster shot to the head from these Empire stooges. Once he could no longer sense the troopers, Obi-Wan raced from his hiding place and was able to calm the man during his final breaths. At least he could still use the Force for that. </p><p>The body was hidden among the rocks, with a promise from Obi-Wan to come back and bury the man once Padmé and the babies were stable. And as he left, a slow drip of dread began pooling in his heart. The title of Jedi no longer fit anyone in this new Empire, but that didn’t mean he was willing to forsake his past. Obi-Wan always assumed he’d stay true to the Order’s teachings even while in exile. <em>This </em>he hadn’t counted on. An inability to connect with the Force? And it had cost a man his life. Well aware there wasn’t any time to contemplate why this was happening, Obi-Wan let Padmé come back into focus. Only she mattered at the moment, and his guilt would have to be buried along with all the rest. Deep down inside until it eventually transitioned into a dull ache.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Padmé smoothed her fingertips over the japor snippet she was no longer able to wear. If even the minor sensation of a robe’s collar brushing lightly against her skin pushed her into a silent panic, then without a doubt, a chain around her neck would be far worse. And since the ornament was a gift from the very person who had tried to choke the life out of her, there was a certain kind of cruel irony in the charm supposedly giving her good luck. Padmé would instead keep it as a memorial to the slave boy who had spent the time making it. Young Anakin deserved better than the life he’d been thrown into as a child and so she hoped to use his gift as a symbol of hope for her children. That they might be spared the same fate as him.</p><p>When Obi-Wan caught her admiring the charm, he paused for a moment, possibly contemplating how to approach the subject. He knew what it was and who had given it to her. Yet, in the end, the subject he broached had nothing to do with either. “I’m leaving for a little while.”</p><p>“What? Where are you going?” she asked, quickly tucking the charm inside a box of her things before coming to stand in front of him. The soft plea in her voice, as if she couldn’t stand the thought of being away from Obi-Wan, was unfortunate. He’d already done more than enough for her and the children. She shouldn’t sound so weak.</p><p>“I have business to attend to. Rael is home from scavenging, he can watch over you and the children while I’m gone.”</p><p>It had only been a week since the twins were born. Luke and Leia. She had settled on different names back on Coruscant, but since so much had changed since then, Padmé decided their names should as well. “I know Rael is capable of helping. In fact, he’s in their room right now watching over them sleep. I’m only asking because you’ve never left on your own before.” She paused, a memory stirring, then asked, “Does this have anything to do with the blood you had on your clothes?”</p><p>“Padmé,” he sighed her name like a lament. </p><p>“I know you don’t want to speak of it, and I’ve respected your wishes, but that was before you wanted to go off on your own. I thought we were stronger together,” she reminded him. “I want to be there for you, but I can’t if you don’t let me.”</p><p>“There are some things I must do alone,” Obi-Wan replied darkly. </p><p>She didn’t like his response, all sullen and brooding, and refused to be the same Padmé who had dealt with Anakin’s mercurial emotions by being blissfully supportive until the very end. “No, I won’t let you,” she said, conviction resonating in her voice. “You made a promise to be there for me, and I will do the same for you, whether you agree with me or not. If you don’t want me to go with you, then fine, I’ll accept that, but I will not let you leave here without telling me why.” And then to prove her point, she pulled him into an embrace, burying her face in the rough material of his robe. “I’m not going to lose another loved one. Not without a fight this time.”</p><p>A breath of silence passed between them as she braced for a fight that, in the end, never materialized. Instead, a chuckle rumbled beneath her cheek surprising Padmé enough that she pulled away to observe if his expression matched what she heard. Obi-Wan’s smile didn’t reach his eyes but still, it was there on his lips. She’d elicited an unexpected response but it was more welcome than the grim line his mouth had been set in only moments before.</p><p>“I should never doubt your tenacity,” he said, answering her questioning look. “Since our time on Naboo, I’ve known of your ability to negotiate and get what you need out of any situation, and also of your kindness for those you see in distress, but this past month has chipped away at my memories. I’ve started to forget the people we used to be and I’m sorry for losing sight of who you are.”</p><p>Padmé took his hands in hers, easing some of the tension she felt there. “Well, I haven’t forgotten who you are … the ever so stoic Obi-Wan Kenobi who tends to keep others at arm’s length, only occasionally letting those around him see into his heart.” She hesitated, resisting the urge to fall back into an embrace with him. He looked so lost. If only she could use the Force as he did. Then she’d at least be able to sense his emotions. “I understand,” she began, then cleared her throat before starting again, “I understand that it’s difficult to let me in. You’re a Jedi and your thoughts on attachments aren’t exactly a mystery to me, but other than Rael, we only have each other to lean on and it’s important to be honest if this is going to work … so please, tell me why you feel the need to go off on your own all of the sudden.” </p><p>When he didn’t respond right away, a tiny voice in the back of her head began to whisper that she’d pushed him too far, too soon, but even so, she was willing to accept the consequences of being so forward. Obi-Wan had spent all of his energy on helping her through the ordeal this past month had been, enough that he’d obviously been avoiding the emotional reckoning brewing inside him. He needed someone to confide in, and Padmé would never stop trying to be that person for him.</p><p>“It’s fitting that you mention I am a Jedi,” he finally said, his voice notably somber and perhaps a little woeful as well.</p><p>“How so?” she asked. “That is what you are, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Perhaps,” he drew in a breath and then let it out in an exhale that echoed his melancholy. “But I’m not so sure anymore.” He removed his hands from hers and turned away. At first, Padmé assumed this was him censuring her bold behavior- a silent rebuke of her declaration- until he reached down and pulled up a discarded robe. “You’ll want to keep your head covered outside,” he said, turning back to face her. “That is if you feel up for a short walk with me. I'd be remiss if I didn't remind you of the two babies you delivered not so long ago. You did a lot of work. I should know, I was there.” </p><p>Padmé arched an eyebrow in a mild show of defiance. “Of course, I’m capable,” she replied, taking the robe from his grasp. “Only let me see how Luke and Leia are doing, and also tell Rael we’ll be out for a short while.” And with that, she hurried into the next room, attended to her children, and raced back out to Obi-Wan before he could change his mind.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They walked in silence, Obi-Wan leading the way, moving slower than he would’ve had he gone alone. Despite the lack of conversation, his conscience was more than willing to fill the void with a relentless stream of doubt over his impulsive choice to let Padmé come with. She was no stranger to death but so little time had passed since the birth of her children. She wasn’t ready. Her reaction to seeing the blood on his clothes was evidence enough. And he wasn’t ready either. Not to share his guilt over what happened. She wanted to be there for him, but Obi-Wan wasn’t sure it was even possible to reveal the darkness he’d been harboring. </p><p>Retracing his steps didn’t help his gloom much. It felt all too familiar. Like coming back to the star skiff after fighting Anakin. There was no foe to face, only the dread of knowing he would have to live with the guilt of this one action for the rest of his life. Or in the case of his current path, inaction. And honestly, if anyone should’ve come along with him, it was Rael, who most likely understood how he felt. Clearly, he was suffering from the same affliction as Obi-Wan but seemed to have made peace with it long ago. He hardly appeared affected when his ability to move the stormtroopers failed. Rael’s charade of being an Outer Rim junk trader had been going on for so long, that his ability to connect with the Force had withered, dying like a plant in need of water. But there was a glaring difference between the two of them. Rael preferred this life; it helped him escape past demons. Obi-Wan and Padmé on the other hand were forced into choosing the best option out of a miserable few. </p><p>And therein lay the reason he'd relented, agreeing to let her accompany him. She understood him to a degree. They shared grief sprung from the same well, and in their short time together as refugees, Obi-Wan found himself craving her companionship. It was mostly an unconscious manipulation on her part. Despite the sorrow he caught glimpses of at times, like when she’d been looking at the japor snippet earlier, her love and affection for him never strayed far, and sensing those emotions through the Force could at times calm him. The brave front he’d worn since Mustafar was like armor, an outer shell to help him stay sane that he hid behind while trying not to fall apart. And Padmé’s love was a piece of that armor. A part of who he was now. And so when she pulled him into an embrace and demanded to see into his heart, he felt that affection once more and decided to at least try. </p><p><em> Only for you, Padmé, will I try</em>.</p><p>Before reaching the location he remembered hiding the body, Obi-Wan came to a halt and finally broke the silence between them. “You might want to cover your nose.” He reached into his robe and pulled out a loose piece of fabric he'd torn earlier, made to be used only by him; now with the addition of Padmé, he split it evenly in two.</p><p>Her brow briefly furrowed until understanding made her eyes grow wide. “Oh,” she said, sounding more sad than upset, and took the cloth from him. </p><p>“This won’t be easy,” he spoke, his voice strained and then muffled as he wound the cloth around his nose and mouth. “Seeing death never is.” His gaze fell, but Padmé leaned forward and lifted his chin with her hand.</p><p>“No it isn't," she agreed, "but remember you’re not alone.”</p><p>Obi-Wan gave a small nod and walked away, dreading every step.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The man was only slightly decomposed. Obi-Wan had taken care to cover him in adjoining shadows provided by two large rocks, keeping the heat from rapidly decaying his body. As he buried him using tools borrowed from Rael, Obi-Wan finally related the story of the man's death and how he'd been unable to prevent it. She quietly listened and came up beside him when the job was done, placing a comforting hand on his forearm, just as she had on Naboo. Images of Qui-Gon suddenly swam through his mind and Obi-Wan was forced to turn away. Tears had started to form and he was unwilling to let himself be overcome with more grief. He could only handle so much.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>After leaving the makeshift grave behind, Padmé appeared reserved. Obi-Wan didn't question her quiet contemplation but also knew she wouldn’t stay silent forever. Ever the diplomat, her mind was working on finding the right words for his situation. And when she did quietly find her voice, it was to tell him she understood how he felt. But before Padmé could get too far, Obi-Wan came to a sudden stop and put his hand up. "While I appreciate you trying to empathize, Padmé, I don't think you know what it has been like for me since coming here. We may be connected in some ways, but losing one’s connection to the Force is something only a Jedi could feel the weight of."</p><p>She looked him over, sympathy in her expression, with a slight defiance shining in her eyes. "I was with Anakin for over three years and worked with the Jedi on more than one occasion during missions, sometimes I even fought alongside you, and while I might not be a Jedi I can certainly surmise what it must be like to be one. And besides, there are parts of me you are unaware of, but that doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to share those pieces of me with you simply because you might not understand.”</p><p>He felt a slight intrusion of another emotion pushing against her love, wanting to take over. "If you are about to tell me something that causes you distress, please don't."</p><p>The defiance he’d seen in her eyes now spread out to the rest of her face and with raised eyebrows, she pursed her lips before saying, "Even if you don't see it for yourself, I know that you can find peace but only if you seek it. Only if you let others in. I know because … it’s what I’ve found with you."</p><p>He sighed heavily, realizing there wasn't any point in trying to convince her of anything other than what she thought. Obi-Wan made a wide sweeping motion with one of his arms, giving Padmé permission to tell whatever story he sensed was on the tip of her tongue, but she seemed unprepared for his quick surrender. The fire of her fight was tempered into a simmer. "I am willing to listen," he explained. "But that is all I can promise." He was sure there wasn't anything Padmé could offer him that would make him agree with her claim that she could grasp what it felt like to fail at being a Jedi, but he would give her the chance to try because she was Padmé and at that moment, no one was more important to him. "It's okay. Whatever you've done, I will not judge you," he tried to reassure when she stayed quiet.</p><p>"What I did … well, considered … it still haunts me.” Padmé's bottom lip trembled, the struggle to share her memory taking its toll. Her anguish found its way into him and like a reflexive action, he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.</p><p>"Padmé, please don't continue if-"</p><p>But she was too fast, talking over him with determination in her voice. "No, it's important I tell you. Just give me a moment."</p><p>His hand fell as Padmé turned around to stare at the desolate landscape surrounding them. A tiny sob escaped her mouth and the sound twisted his heart, but when she moved to stand in front of him once more, there was a calmness surrounding her. "After I woke and found myself injured with you kneeling over me, and I realized what had … what had happened, I wanted to … well, I silently wished that Darth Vader would have succeeded in destroying me. I didn’t want to live. Even for my children, and could see so clearly that it would be easy to simply leave, in the darkest sense of the word.”</p><p>"Oh, Padmé," the whisper of her name left his lips, but she shook her head indicating there was no room for his pity here.</p><p>"I wanted to die because I saw no future. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. All I had built for myself, for Naboo and the galaxy suddenly felt insignificant without him. It was a dreadful thought. But then you promised to be there for me and it gave me hope. I was at my lowest and a hand reached out to help me, to pull me from that darkness inside my mind.” She paused to release a breath, the burden of the story falling from her like a discarded robe, and in its place, he sensed relief. “Obi-Wan," Padmé continued grasping both his hands in hers. "You can’t expect to keep your darkness inside and hope to live. You might stay among the living, but you would be a husk. And that isn’t life, not really. Harboring guilt until you begin to lose sight of who you are. We’ve only been here a month and just made it through a very big accomplishment. The birth of Luke and Leia. You might feel like your grasp of the Force is faltering, but that doesn’t mean it will always be this way. The only thing that matters is the future we are mapping out together. Don't lose sight of that. Terrible things have happened and will continue to happen. The important thing is that we move past them to try again and keep trying no matter what obstacle puts itself in our way. And that we do it together."</p><p>Obi-Wan felt like there should have been a thousand and one reasons to protest everything Padmé had said. He'd certainly come up with a few in the week since the man’s death when self-pity had become his closest confidant, but now in the face of her kindness and bravery, those reasons seemed very inconsequential. "Padmé … I …" Not only were his fighting words unable to find a voice but so were any words at all. Obi-Wan was humbled into speechlessness.</p><p>"It's alright, Obi-Wan.” She smiled and then tugged on his hands until he was close enough for an embrace. "No matter what happens, as long as we keep trying, there will always be a place for us in this galaxy even with the shadow of Darth Vader over us." She let him go and turned towards the direction of Rael’s home. <em> Their </em>home. Then glancing over her shoulder, Padmé said, "We should head back. I'm sure Rael has had his fill of the babies and I need to feed them." </p><p>Obi-Wan nodded and they began walking in silence again, but it was much different than the oppressive quiet from before. This was a peaceful calm. "Thank you, Padmé," he quietly said as they approached the homestead.</p><p>She responded by taking his hand in hers. “Perhaps we can meditate together tonight. You no longer have to teach me how to push through my pain with calm, but I’ve missed our times together. I think it helps us both.”</p><p>“As I’m certain you've learned this past week, quiet is not something infants are known for, and meditating with wailing children nearby would prove rather difficult.” Obi-Wan smiled, his first in a long while.</p><p>“Well, there’s always the barn. I got well acquainted with it while awaiting your return.” She was only teasing, but Obi-Wan liked the idea and much to Padmé's chagrin made plans for them to meet there later in the evening. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the months after their initial run-in with stormtroopers, the threat of the Empire was only felt in small ways. A new tax. Someone recruited (or likely ordered) to join the galaxy’s new regime. A disappearance, most of which happened without question. Who would be brave enough to ask? Certainly not the likes of those who lived on such a desolate planet as Tatooine. There were mutterings that it could possibly be the Hutts, but then no one was worried about invoking the name of Jabba. If one day you woke up and discovered a gambler wasn’t making their usual rounds then naturally your mind went to unpaid debts being collected upon. There were no hushed tones. The cheat likely got what they deserved. </p><p>But if someone suddenly didn’t show up to work or come home and they were known to walk a straight path, then no one dared speak the name Obi-Wan sadly knew all too well. Darth Vader was a whisper of worry in the hearts of those living on Tatooine and possibly many other places in the galaxy. Obi-Wan couldn’t know for sure. He tried to stay out of those conversations unless he was searching for answers to a particular question. Never any more than that. It was the only way he could keep Padmé safe. And at least here on Tatooine, the Empire mostly stayed away. Not like some of those other more important planets that were harvested for their resources and its people suffered the consequences of an overzealous Palpatine. There wasn’t much of that here. Just sand and junk and gambling. </p><p>And as destitute as his current life sounded, this was how Obi-Wan preferred it, and over time a pattern emerged that he came to rely on. A routine that seemed dull when one considered he was a fugitive hiding from the Empire. But boring kept them safe and for the first few months, boring meant staying by Padmé’s side. Helping her raise Luke and Leia and doing what he could to give them a sense of normalcy when their living arrangement was anything but. Then before his very eyes, the children grew by leaps and bounds in what felt like a single blink. Soon they were toddling, pulling items down from places that had been out of reach only moments before. Padmé seemed exasperated at times but doted on her children nonetheless, her love for them strong enough for Obi-Wan to sense through the Force.</p><p>Rael was another story. His affections weren’t as easily won over when it was his things the twins destroyed. Even if his edges had softened some in his isolation, he still possessed a hard underlayer sharper than broken glass and Obi-Wan began worrying that their unconventional family was putting a strain on him. So to ease the tension, he became a partner in scavenging with the former Jedi. And while this did leave Padmé alone for a few hours each day, she and Obi-Wan surmised that it would be good for them both. “And I do know how to use a blaster, so you shouldn’t worry too much,” she tried reassuring him.</p><p>“I’m not worried,” he stated, his face, no doubt, betraying his claim. </p><p>She raised an eyebrow and he gave a shrug of defeat. There was no use lying; it was impossible to hide his emotions from Padmé. And yes, she could use a blaster, but Obi-Wan was determined to refresh her memory before his first trip out with Rael. </p><p>“Oh, but why did you have to use protocol droids?” Padmé lamented when he brought her outside to see the target practice he’d assembled a few days later.</p><p>“It’s what Rael had stuffed away with his junk. And they’ve long been deactivated,” he said, standing next to one of three propped up with stakes through their chests. “Damaged beyond repair.”</p><p>“But all I can see is Threepio staring back at me.”</p><p>Obi-Wan stroked his beard, a bit longer now. It was how Padmé preferred it. “Here’s an idea, just imagine every stuffy, self-satisfied thing he ever said to you.”</p><p>Her grimace relaxed and then after a few minutes spent garnering courage, she pulled the trigger. A blast rang out across the empty landscape and then a ding followed by the sizzle of burning metal. Padmé turned to him for approval, a smirk pulling at her lips over having shot the droid dead center in the forehead. The precision of her aim coupled with the pleased expression she didn’t even try to hide made him laugh, something he found himself able to do so many months after the events on Mustafar. Slowly with her help, Obi-Wan was healing. He didn’t think the darkness in his heart could ever be erased. That thick tar would always cling to him, but with time it was becoming less viscous, thinning due to Padmé’s presence and love.</p><p>“Good work. Ready to try again?” he asked.</p><p>Padmé’s answer was to raise her blaster once more and shoot the same droid, only this time in the chest.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Padmé woke, she felt different. Like a heavy sadness was weighing her down. She didn’t know why and stayed in bed for a long time, listening to the soft breathing of her babies in their bassinets made from blankets and hallowed out ship parts. Truthfully, they weren’t babies anymore. Ten months she’d been on this planet with nine of them spent taking care of children who were growing so fast it made her heart ache. But this morning her heart was wrenching for a different reason and when she brought her hands up to wipe the sleep from her eyes, she found tears there instead. “You’re being silly,” she quietly said, her voice quivering slightly. </p><p>She now understood where her sadness stemmed from. Obi-Wan left while she was sleeping, gone with Rael to scavenge just like they had been planning all week. She’d been ready for this, practicing with her blaster. And yet, she hadn’t prepared her heart. So many of their hours were spent together, meditating, talking, and caring for Luke and Leia as a team. </p><p>
  <em>As parents really. </em>
</p><p>Seldom were they apart. So when she woke and felt the absence of his presence, her body reacted accordingly, like a well-cared-for plant suddenly being neglected, unwatered, and without sunlight. “Silly,” she repeated, loud enough to wake Luke. He let out a soft whine that hinged on becoming more. Padmé gently lifted her son from his bassinet, nestling him against her chest to answer his cry of hunger. It was difficult to feed both children at once considering their sizes and she had to hurry before Leia decided to wake as well. Normally, Obi-Wan would’ve soothed one while the other was fed. This morning she would have to make do on her own.</p><p><em>And that’s the way it should be.</em> </p><p>Her dependence on Obi-Wan was becoming a crutch, and while she would never stop wanting him near, the life they led was one of survival. Should the unthinkable happen, Padmé needed to be familiar with raising her children alone. Rael was kind enough and tolerated having two young children in his small house, but his connection was to Obi-Wan, not her. One day, he would likely return to his hermit ways and there was no telling if that meant she’d be forced to tackle a planet like Tatooine on her own. If worse came to worst, she could always seek help from Bail. But that would always be a last resort.</p><p>After both children’s bellies were full, Padmé slid out of bed and dressed, ready to tackle a day without men. “Well, of course, I don’t mean you, Luke,” she cooed when he cried out for her to pick him up. “You’ll always be welcome by my side.” And with that, she attached him to her with a carrier she’d sewn together from scraps of old robes. For now, Leia would have to put up with the square protective barrier Obi-Wan had made from pieces of wood Rael had bartered for. Padmé would make sure to swap Leia for Luke as the day progressed, never wanting one child to feel more loved than the other. </p><p>Since most of her morning was spent indulging in despondency over Obi-Wan’s absence, the suns were already shining high overhead by the time Padmé was ready to go outside and hang the laundry. The task would be unbearable in the oppressive heat and she silently scolded herself for having wasted so much time. At least it would be a dry heat. </p><p>Before leaving the comfort of Rael’s house, she gave her children a parting glance to see if they were still resting peacefully through their afternoon naps. Luke was sucking his thumb while Leia held tightly to a rag she’d grown a strange fondness for. Both were slumbering peacefully. Resisting the urge to kiss their adorable little heads, Padmé walked slowly out of the room and picked up the basket of wet clothes she’d spent all morning scrubbing while her children looked on. Glancing down at the slight lump at her hip underneath her robe, Padmé mentally went over the routine she’d practiced with Obi-Wan. </p><p><em>Reach into your robe, grasp the blaster, aim, and shoot.</em> </p><p>Closing her eyes, she envisioned droids riddled with holes and felt courage flow through her bones, strengthening her spine with determination. She’d proven she could still fight by destroying those droids. She could handle most any danger thrown at her. Giving her head a little shake, a few strands of hair flew in front of her face. Padmé quickly tucked them behind her ears before reaching for the door handle, remembering the days when a simple swoosh would've opened it for her. Things weren’t so simple anymore. She went to give the handle a pull but stopped when a knock sounded from the other side. The steel in her spine buckled under a sudden fear rushing from her heart.</p><p>
  <em>Rael never has visitors.</em>
</p><p>A terrifying memory flashed through her mind. An invisible hand. A grip so tight she lost the ability to yell for help. The room began to spin and her laundry basket found its way to the floor, spilling over. The sound wasn’t loud enough to wake the twins but wouldn’t have been missed by the person or thing occupying the other side of the door. Padmé’s thoughts quickly oscillated from using the comlink that would lead her to Obi-Wan’s voice, and the blaster at her hip. Which one?</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>The voice that spoke was feminine and vaguely familiar, but most notably not the static-like fuzz of a stormtrooper speaking through a helmet.</p><p>“Hello, Rael? I know you don’t like to be bothered, but I need your help.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ben, please come home.”</p><p>It took Obi-Wan a moment to understand who those words were meant for. </p><p>
  <em>Ben. </em>
</p><p><em>He</em> was Ben … it was a codename for Padmé to use if she needed to reach him. But he hadn’t expected to hear it his first day out. The comlink was only meant as a precaution. Unnecessary really. <em>She won’t need it. She’ll be fine. </em>He’d told himself this repeatedly until it echoed inside his head like a mantra. Enough to lull him into a false sense of security in the days leading up to his first scavenging trip with Rael. Suddenly, all the various fears that had been slowly pooling inside him for the past few days came rushing forward, crashing through the dam he’d built to keep them at bay.</p><p>
  <em>This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have left her alone.</em>
</p><p>“Is everything alright?” he spoke into the comlink, moving away from Rael who was busy trading with a group of Jawas. Obi-Wan’s attempt to sound calm failed miserably and earned him a few curious stares. At least he thought they were curious. You could never tell with Jawas. He took a few steps further.</p><p>“I’m alright, but I have a little dilemma on my hands and I need you home.”</p><p>“Should I bring help?”</p><p>“No, just you alone. Someone is here.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“A neighbor. I’m not in danger, so don’t worry. But please, come home.”</p><p>“On my way,” he stated, already striding back over to give Rael a quick explanation that wouldn’t worry him, but sadly couldn’t quell his own fears before he took off on his landspeeder with Padmé as his destination.</p><p>Rael didn’t actually have neighbors. There were scatterings of homesteads so far off in the distance that you couldn’t see them with the naked eye, but Obi-Wan had never met any of their inhabitants. Tatooine wasn’t Courosaunt. Those who did live in town chose to stay there because of business or to feed their addictions, while the relatively normal stayed away from city dwellers and each other. A random encounter with two rogue stormtroopers had been Rael’s only visitors since Obi-Wan and Padmé came to stay with him. Not a single sentient being since. Naturally, on his first full day away from her someone would come calling. At least nothing seemed amiss as he approached the house. No sign of a struggle. Only a speeder like his that hadn’t been there when he’d left before dawn. Obi-Wan let his fingers brush against the lightsaber at his hip, reminding himself it was there. Since Mustafar, the weapon had gone unused, but all that could change within a matter of seconds. Padmé had said she was alright, but there was no telling if that had been a forced statement.</p><p>As a result of his apprehension, Obi-Wan advanced the door like he would any hostile situation, with an abundance of caution, but inside he found only a young woman sitting beside Padmé. In her lap was Leia, who reached out to him while making playful single syllable sounds resembling the beginnings of words. Shock shifted to confusion as he took in the emotions around him. Yes, Padmé was letting a stranger hold her child, but there was a palpable connection already flowing between them. Obi-Wan compartmentalized this revelation to examine later. “What did you-” he began, but Padmé stood and raised her voice above his.</p><p>“Ben, I’d like you to meet Beru Lars, one of Rael’s neighbors.”</p><p>He greeted Beru with a nod, but then quickly turned back to Padmé. “What is it you need me for? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“It’s my husband Owen,” Beru replied, pulling Obi-Wan’s attention back to her. “He’s hurt.”</p><p>“Trapped underneath farming equipment,” Padmé interjected. “They’re moisture farmers.”</p><p>“I’ve tried removing it using my speeder, but it isn’t enough. I need more help.”</p><p>“And I told Beru that you’re very capable with a speeder and one of the best pilots around.”</p><p>The way she worded this, like it had an underlying meaning, wasn’t lost on him. It was true that his abilities to use the Force had grown since that awful day when he’d watched a man die, but it continued to be a slow and steady process. And yet, he surmised it would likely be enough to rescue Beru’s husband. He’d be taking a risk, but if helping this family was important enough to Padmé that she was willing to break the rules over it then he would trust her judgment. “Alright, lead the way,” he told Beru before glancing at Padmé, wondering once more about the connection simmering between the two women. He was sure he’d find out the reason behind it soon enough anyway.</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><em>Soon enough</em> came moments after the equipment was removed from Owen’s legs when Beru was tending to his wounds while Obi-Wan kneeled down to help. Her husband was propped up against one of the outside walls of their expansive dwelling. In reality, the place wasn’t that large, but after months spent cramped inside Rael’s humble home, it might as well have been Jaba’s palace. Owen was in great discomfort and Beru gave him a pain patch to ease the suffering of what appeared to be two shattered leg bones. “I’ll likely have to take him to Mos Espa,” she said, worry lines etched into her forehead. “As much as I loathe that place, Owen needs more help than I can offer here.”</p><p>“I could accompany you, give him support,” Obi-Wan offered but shrank back when Owen abruptly became aware of his presence.</p><p>“And just who the hell are you?” he demanded, his voice a mix of sternness and delirium.</p><p>Beru winced at the brashness of his question and sent Obi-Wan an apologetic look. Then leaning over her husband, she lovingly stroked his cheek before getting back to work, pressing a cloth against his wounds to absorb the red staining his clothes and spilling over onto the sand beneath him. “Owen, this is the man who helped pull you out from under that awful mess.”</p><p>He peered up at Obi-Wan and gave a curt nod, before grimacing in pain, hurt and exhaustion radiating from him despite the pain patch on his neck.</p><p>“Do you remember Padmé Amidala?” Beru asked but didn’t wait for an answer from her husband before continuing. “She came with Shmi’s son that one time. Well, as strange a coincidence as it sounds, this is her husband, Ben Kenobi. They’re both living here on Tatooine now, staying with Rael until they can establish a place of their own.” Obi-Wan nearly dropped the splint he was holding for Beru to take, his heart stuttering inside his chest. She in turn sent him a questioning glance, but he couldn’t say anything. His mouth had suddenly filled with all the sand on Tatooine.</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“But why did you use my real last name?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I panicked. I never thought I’d run into her again or that she might recognize me. That was over three years ago. We met once under unfortunate circumstances. Hardly enough time to lock a face into memory.”</p><p>“With a face like yours?”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“It means … you’re memorable. You. Your attire from Naboo. Nothing about you has ever been subtle, Padmé. Not even your relationship with Anakin.” Obi-Wan shook his head, then ran a hand down his face, until his fingers settled in his beard, twisting its strands in consternation. The frown Padmé had been wearing from the start of their conversation deepened over his mild outburst and Obi-Wan felt a stab of remorse. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. It’s only … well, this is a predicament we’re in. I’m not quite sure how to navigate it.” He paused, a thought occurring to him. “I take it she must not be aware of the news that has been out there about us for months now. That I am the Jedi who kidnapped you.”</p><p>“She didn’t mention it. Tatooine isn’t exactly this bastion of importance for the Empire. Most living here don’t even have a means of connecting to the holonet, let alone watching news alerts from it. I thought that was one of the reasons you chose to make it our home.”</p><p>“It was. But we can’t keep them in the dark forever. They know we’re here. They think I’m Rael’s cousin and I’m not sure he’d be willing to put himself in any more danger for us. He came here to escape all that and now we’re bringing it to his doorstep.” Obi-Wan exhaled in frustration. They both planned poorly for this; he though should bear the burden of it. Not wanting to wear out their welcome with Rael had led to the idea of leaving Padmé alone. In hindsight, all those fears he’d foolishly tried to ignore were a warning. Knowing how to use a blaster was not the same as dealing with friendly neighbors who somewhat knew your history.</p><p>“We could tell them a version of the truth,” Padmé suggested.</p><p>He took a deep breath and studied her face. She kept her expression calm, but underneath a storm of anxiety raged. “And what about our sudden marriage? How do we explain that?” Obi-Wan found himself asking, despite having avoided the subject until now. Truthfully, he had his own storm brewing inside over her fabrication. One that filled his heart with a sensation he was unable to subdue.</p><p>Padmé didn’t have an answer for his question beyond flushing a bright red and mumbling something about checking on the children. Obi-Wan knew Luke and Leia were safe with Rael at the moment, but he kept his comment to himself as she left the barn. Admittingly, it was a relief to have her go.</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>A day passed. And then another without a word from Beru or Owen. Obi-Wan knew it couldn’t last and by the third rising of the suns, he went in search of answers. “I’d rather settle this now and tell them the truth before they unknowingly reveal who we are to the wrong person.”</p><p>Rael agreed. Padmé did as well but with the caveat that she would accompany him to the Lars’ homestead. Pauses for disagreements could be costly when swift action needed to be taken. And at a moment like this, when he was trying to circumvent another tragedy, letting Padmé come along was the more logical choice.</p><p>Thankfully, they found Beru at home. Owen was still in Mos Espa, likely sedated and unable to recall the story his wife had told him of the man who had saved his life. Obi-Wan wasn’t too concerned with him at the moment. “Is everything alright?” Beru asked, taking in their serious expressions.</p><p>“Not entirely,” Obi-Wan answered. </p><p>Padmé cleared her throat. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she said, then taking Obi-Wan’s hand she amended, “Something <em>we</em> need to tell you.”</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan told their story as honestly as he was able, meaning, many events were omitted. He wouldn’t outright lie, but the truth was as dangerous as it was heartbreaking. If he’d had a choice in the matter, the story would’ve stayed untouched in the part of his heart still painted black. He’d spent months working to put his guilt behind him. But Padmé always came first and all her attempts to speak of Anakin had fallen flat. She talked softly and then too loudly and then too fast as if unsure of how to behave when avoiding the truth. It wasn’t in her nature to lie. Beyond her unusual decision to join them together in fake matrimony, Obi-Wan had only ever seen her use shades of deception in the form of deploying handmaidens as decoys. In truth, she could speak plainly and kindly and regularly found solutions to warring factions but was unable to fight the war within. The need to be honest when it was simply impossible. </p><p>“What Padmé is trying to say ...” Obi-Wan gently spoke above her and rested a comforting hand on the small of her back, silently relating that she could relax, “is that Anakin was lost along with all the other Jedi. I tried to save him but came too late. So instead, I took Padmé with me and we came here to Tatooine, hoping to hide from the Empire. With her being the mother of Anakin’s children, we thought it best to protect them from the Emperor, who would likely see the babies either as necessary collateral damage or as recruits for the Empire. Until the Jedi are able to freely exist once more, I’m afraid we must live like refugees.”</p><p>Beru was quiet for a few moments, save for a weary sigh escaping her mouth as she placed a hand over her heart. “Well, that was quite a revelation,” she finally responded. “One that calls for a drink stiffer than this.” She held up her cup of caf and without asking if Padmé or Obi-Wan wanted one, she poured them two glasses of clear liquid that had the distinct odor of being a favorite among those who lost themselves to their vices. He took a sip to be polite, while Padmé simply pushed hers around after the three of them sat down at a small table. “Well, I suppose we should discuss what to do about you and your little ones?” Beru said.</p><p>Padmé raised her eyebrows and sat up a little straighter. “What do you mean.”</p><p>“Well, you certainly can’t stay with Rael. I’ve met the man, he’s not the warmest, and that small house of his is no place to raise children, even with that large barn. Meanwhile, we have plenty of room here.”</p><p>Obi-Wan opened his mouth to reply, but Padmé let out a soft gasp of understanding and spoke words similar to what he’d been about to say. “Oh, Beru, we couldn’t possibly put you and Owen in danger that way,” she breathed, astonished at the selfless offer.</p><p>“Nonsense,” Beru stated, soft yet firm. “You're family and are more than welcome to stay here with us.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know it's taking me a long time to finish this thing, but the end is near. I promise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Though she’d lived with Anakin for three years and loved him even longer, it felt like a single blink when compared to her months spent with Obi-Wan. Padmé thought it must’ve been a survival instinct buried deep inside. The refusal of her mind to dwell on the most painful parts of her past. She couldn’t lose herself to grief. Not when there was evil to elude and children in need of an attentive mother. She was set firmly in the present, hyper-aware of everything around her while Anakin was a shadow of her past. One day she might be able to fully remember the man her husband had been and the brightness he briefly shined on her life, but for now, Obi-Wan was the reason she still had a life at all. And she would never forget that.</p><p>So why then was he now trying to leave her life?</p><p>“Not leave. No. Never,” he tried explaining, perhaps a bit too defensively, the morning after Beru’s offer. Rael had gone to scavenge. The children were still sleeping. Padmé and Obi-Wan occupied the small living area where meals were prepared and eaten. She was sitting in a chair, while he paced, brought to his feet by her claim that he was not following through on his promise to be there for her. “Don’t you see? It makes perfect sense for me to watch over you from here. It’s not too far and we are less likely to attract attention if we’re separated. They are searching for two of us. Together. Not you and I alone.”</p><p><em>Alone </em>… the word rang hollow in her ears. </p><p>“We’re already isolated enough on Tatooine. And you saw what happened the last time I was left alone. We had an unexpected guest.”</p><p>“You won’t be alone though,” he countered, his pace increasing with the quickness of his words as if he were not only trying to convince her but himself as well. “You’ll have Beru and Owen. I’ll still be here, just not with you, creating an extra target for Darth Vader to aim at.”</p><p>Obi-Wan finally stilled and turned to look at her. He seemed to have aged overnight. Older and grouchier. No, not grouchy, just distant and unwilling to yield to her suggestions. There had always been an age gap between them. Not exceptionally large, but now he carried the weight of an elder. Someone who felt he knew better and turned every conversation into a lecture or simply shut them down when a contrarian position was presented. </p><p>“We’ll discuss this in the morning,” he’d said after they left Beru’s the night before without giving her a definitive answer. “I have a lot to contemplate and need to meditate.”</p><p>And he had wanted to do it alone. </p><p><em>Alone</em>.</p><p>She knew this day might come and had been preparing for it. A future where she’d be caring for Luke and Leia without Obi-Wan. Yet, her visions of this always had some tragedy staking its claim on them again. He’d be lost due to the violence of the Empire. Never did it occur to her that he would go of his own free will. And for all of this to happen in the span of a few short days- even if she was going on to stay with Anakin’s family- she simply couldn’t grasp how easy it was for him to move on. From her. From them. From all they had built together since their lives turned to ash.</p><p>“Beru offered you a place there as well,” Padmé said, rising to her feet, standing in front of Obi-Wan and forcing him to see the truth written in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter to her that we’re not married. She understands our situation. She’s trying to protect us.”</p><p>Padmé had mentioned this twice before, different iterations that Obi-Wan shrugged off with some excuse or another. This time he offered, “Beru is only seeking to repay me for saving her husband’s life. An obligation brought on by guilt. I sense it. And that is no way to form a relationship or to take advantage of a new living arrangement.”</p><p>“And yet, you think she should form a relationship with me based on the same emotion. Guilt over what happened to Anakin. Over what happened to Shmi.”</p><p>His eyes briefly studied the floor before finding hers again, a softness glowing there that she’d seen once before. When his lips had pressed against her forehead the night they welcomed Luke and Leia into the galaxy. It lasted only a moment before indifference reclaimed his gaze. “It isn’t guilt she feels for you, Padmé ... it’s love. She cares for you and the children.”</p><p><em>And what is it </em>you <em>feel for me, Obi-Wan?</em></p><p>The question stayed securely locked in her throat, much too pointed to ask, and honestly, it was unnecessary. The answer was so clearly displayed in his willingness to walk away. He felt a sense of duty to her and no more. And even if she struggled to admit it, there was a sliver of truth in his assertion that they would be safer when separated. He was only a quick trip on a speeder away, connected by a comlink if she needed him. Beru would always be nearby. Likely Owen too. </p><p>Obi-Wan Kenobi, her own personal Jedi keeping guard from a few kilometers away.</p><p>But deep down, these all felt like paltry justifications. A mind valiantly trying to cope with yet another tragedy. One not as deeply felt as Anakin’s betrayal, but there nonetheless. Another crack in her spirit that might mend in time while she tried to put on a brave face for her children and for herself. Outside she was calm; inside her heart was fractured glass. Surely, Obi-Wan could feel this discrepancy. </p><p>Padmé thought back to when she foolishly tried sensing him through the Force. If that were even possible what would she find there now? Was he like her? A cool demeanor masking a burning fire? Hidden emotions she would never be able to express. He had to have some idea of why she’d invented the story of them being married. Lying had never been instinctive for her and still, it had tumbled out of her mouth so naturally. Not so much a lie, because she felt that was what they nearly had. It only needed time. An ember that needed to be stoked but was instead being doused in water.</p><p>Sadly it seemed time was something Obi-Wan was unwilling to give her.</p><p>Padmé sat back down and pressed the heels of her hands to her brow, trying to keep her composure. Obi-Wan knelt in front of her and brought her hands down with his, holding them in his warm grasp as he spoke. “Padmé, please try to understand, since Anakin's turn to the dark side our circumstances have been dictated by determining the most suitable option out of so very few, even<em> if </em>it doesn’t appear to be the best choice on the surface. Truly, I will miss our time together. You have become my closest ally.” He pulled in a breath, doubt passing over his features- so fleeting Padmé wondered if she’d imagined it- before his jaw firmly set in determination. “For all of our safety, yours, mine, and the children, we must live separately.”</p><p>
  <em>You’re being silly.</em>
</p><p>Yes, she certainly was silly for thinking Obi-Wan Kenobi could ever love her.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>It took Padmé only a day to move out. And a week to stop quietly crying herself to sleep.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>In Obi-Wan’s mind, he’d done what was right. What was best. He’d only lived with Padmé in Rael’s home due to it being the best choice at the time. Now she had Beru and Owen. People connected to Shmi and Anakin. Actual relations that wanted to be there for her. Not a Jedi with a price on his head. And overall, he was still fulfilling the promise he’d made Padmé back on her star skiff. The one he'd made to Bail too. He was watching over her and the children, just not imposing on them. It was for the best, he’d told himself more times than he could recall. Usually, when sleep was alluding him.</p><p>With Padmé gone, Obi-Wan moved into the barn to give Rael some space. There were no children left to comfort in the middle of the night. No early morning conversations with Padmé to keep her company while she nursed. It was unnecessary to impose on Rael any longer and Obi-Wan had certainly slept in worse conditions.</p><p>He protected from a distance, spending his days observing the Lars’ homestead and his nights meditating. Yet despite having much more time to focus on the Force, Obi-Wan’s connection remained as stagnant and flat as ever. Never quite moving closer to what it had once been. He assumed the sensation was similar to having a faulty connection, like a malfunctioning droid. It was a comparison he instantly regretted as it reminded him of Anakin. He’d always been fond of the machines, defending them while Obi-Wan tolerated their presence for the sake of a mission. The memory sank like lead to the bottom of his stomach where it settled, creating an uneasiness he couldn’t meditate away.</p><p>Guilt tended to be an unwelcome guest that visited more often in his solitude. It didn’t matter how much headway he’d made since his battle with Darth Vader. Images of that fight always seemed to weave their way through his thoughts like the molten rock of Mustafar, and over time, a slow realization grew. Padmé’s absence left a hole inside him that inevitably began filling up with his deepest regrets. He should’ve known this would happen. She was the calming presence he now lacked. But it also wasn’t her responsibility and his dependency on her was unfair. His regrets were his own. A Jedi should be stronger.</p><p>Obi-Wan kept this revelation to himself until the burden grew large enough that he told Rael one evening a month after Padmé’s departure as they were sorting scraps. “And is that what she’s becoming to you? One of your deepest regrets?” Rael replied with an air of aloofness that contrasted with the deep probing question he’d asked. </p><p>“I do not regret helping, Padmé,” Obi-Wan replied, staring at a broken speeder part, deciding if it was worth saving. Clearly, Rael thought so, but he tended to be wrong about things. Like his question just now. “Why would you ask me that?”</p><p>Rael gathered some parts in his arms and carried them from the unsorted pile to one that Obi-Wan assumed had a rhyme and reason to it, but he could never quite figure out the man’s system. “That is not what I meant and I think you know it.” </p><p>The apathy was there again and Obi-Wan's annoyance flared enough that he was forced to focus on his breathing- slowly, in and out- to keep from speaking his mind and angering his host. He was, after all, still living under Rael’s roof. Even if it was the leaky high ceiling of a cluttered barn. “I honestly don’t know what you are talking about,” Obi-Wan finally said, keeping calm.</p><p>Rael turned away from his pile to stare at him, his apathy escaping in a heavy sigh that left behind the man Obi-Wan remembered. The broken Jedi. Not the junk trader pretending nothing was wrong. Rael could be blunt about many things. He was coarse and crude and spoke plainly ... except when it came to himself, so it took Obi-Wan by surprise when he cleared his throat and began talking about the one thing he never did ... his past.</p><p>“Look, take it from someone who knows about mistakes, it’s not a path you wanna go down. I mean come on, Obi-Wan, you know my story. You were there for some of it. I don’t need to remind you, and hell, I hate remembering it, but maybe it’s time for me to face my demons so you can see just how obvious it is to me that you’re running from yours. My first padawan died because I was careless. My next charge turned against me because I was too overbearing. Once you make that first mistake, you’ll try your hardest to fix it, but it’ll never be right. You’ll overdo it or run from it like I did. If you still have time to fix that first mistake, you need to do it before that chance is taken away. After that, you’ll find some way to overcompensate for ignoring your feelings for Padmé, but it’ll fail because what you should’ve done is told her you loved her when there was still time.”</p><p>Obi-Wan’s heart lurched against his ribcage. Rael’s words felt too much like the truth to ignore even if he couldn’t admit it to himself at that moment. Still, he shook his head. The beginnings of a denial built in his throat but stalled on his tongue.</p><p>“And don’t give me any of that Jedi code no attachments bantha shit either. What does any of that matter anymore? You’re one of the last of your kind, so you better get to breeding.” Rael let out a single hard laugh and was back to wearing his mask of apathy laced with sarcasm. He gave Obi-Wan a good smack on the back, enough to make him drop the speeder part he’d forgotten was in his hands. Rael picked it up. “You see, <em>this </em>can be fixed,” he stated, placing it in one of his various piles, before returning to Obi-Wan and jabbing a finger against his chest. “But <em>this</em>. A heart. Once broken it takes a whole lotta time and effort to piece it back together. And sometimes, even that isn’t enough.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dual suns were glowing low on the horizon when Obi-Wan walked away from Rael’s home intent on taking his speeder over to see Padmé. The Force was humming on the edges of his consciousness, moving around him but not quite within reach. Back on Coruscant, he would’ve found this situation frustrating, terrifying even. Here on Tatooine, it gave him a sense of elation and belonging. Far better than the emptiness he’d been experiencing when the Force simply wasn’t there at all. </p><p>Nearly a year had passed since the very worst day of his life when a latticework of misery and guilt had captured his heart. Yet, that web slowly erasing who he was, eventually released him, and it was a change Obi-Wan attributed to Padmé. She and her children had become his survival. His family. And it was a family he’d foolishly abandoned over fears wrapped in the guise of self-sacrifice. Yes, he was afraid. Afraid of loving the one person he truly depended on. Afraid of losing a piece of the Jedi he once was. But Rael was right. What did it matter? The Order had fallen. Life was about survival now, not adhering to the past. And try as he might, sticking with what he’d known wasn’t bringing him closer to finding peace within the Force. </p><p>It had taken a stern lecture from his friend for Obi-Wan to understand where that peace could be found. He only hoped it wasn’t too late.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Padmé stared off into the distance, her eyes focusing on the binary sunset. The imagery was beautiful, but her mind strayed from the spectacle. Try as she might she couldn’t escape the gnawing feeling that there was a greater purpose in her being out here. Something was beckoning her, and yet it all felt so ridiculous. She wasn’t a Jedi. Nothing could truly summon her to come outside. Not unless she was losing her mind and that wasn’t an option she was willing to assume. Not when so much depended on her <em>not </em>falling apart. And she’d done a decent job of it since arriving on Tatooine. Despite the tendrils of sadness pulling at her heart, she’d kept it together for those around her. Even when Obi-Wan pressed her to go their separate ways, Padmé had suffered in silence, telling Beru the reason he was staying behind and then making it appear that the sentiment was shared between them. “It’s the best way to keep us safe.”</p><p>“Will we ever see him again?” Beru had asked.</p><p>“Not unless there’s trouble,” Padmé replied.</p><p>And for a month there hadn’t been. Not from the Empire anyway. Her heart? Well, that was another matter, but she held her disquiet close to her chest, never letting it bleed out for others to sense. She wanted to be grateful for what still remained of her heart and believed in time it would heal. With the stability Owen and Beru were offering her, it was possible to eventually move on.</p><p>At least, she hoped so.</p><p>However, her anguish couldn’t be guarded indefinitely and it was times like these when an energy tugged at her soul- urging her to do irrational things- that she worried her unspoken grief was transitioning into a broken mind. Padmé hoped this moment would quickly pass like all the others and that she could soon go back inside. Surely, Beru and Owen were growing frustrated with her. Yes, the children were asleep, but they could easily stir, and at that point, she would need to be fetched. How many times had she impulsively wandered off since moving in? She couldn’t recall. Only that it happened far too often.</p><p>In some respects, this was worse than suffering a broken heart. At least she knew the reason behind that. This … this unspoken <em>force- </em>for a lack of a better word- was downright unsettling. “Why,” she found herself whispering, tears pooling in her eyes, blurring the sunsets into one. </p><p><em>Crying will solve nothing </em>she gently scolded herself. <em>You’re not supposed to cry anymore.</em></p><p>But she did. And tears spilled unchecked down her cheeks, gathering at her chin before dripping onto the front of her robe.</p><p>“Why,” she repeated, before adding a name she’d tried so hard to keep from speaking. “Why, Obi-Wan? Why did you leave us?”</p><p>Suddenly, a flush spread up her neck and across her face, similar to the feeling of embarrassment. Yet, she felt no shame, and somehow deep within, knew this was the same enigmatic energy that had brought her outside. Now it was compelling her to turn around. And then came a sound. A speeder approaching. Quickly, she spun on her heel- sand spraying beneath her sandals- and saw him. <em>Obi-Wan</em>. She wanted to feel joy, but instead, her heart plummeted with worry as ice filled her veins. If he was making an appearance without even trying to comm her then danger must be imminent. He wouldn’t break their separation for something trivial. </p><p>And in the end, it wasn’t trivial. Not in the least. Nor did it have anything to do with impending doom. </p><p>When Padmé saw him step off his speeder and stride in her direction, she readied herself for a fight to the death, but the Obi-Wan that eventually came to stand in front of her didn’t look like a man ready for battle. He was subdued and appeared almost sheepish. Certainly not the general she’d fought alongside and had been expecting to rush at her with orders on how to protect Luke and Leia. “Padmé,” he greeted, his voice matching his contrite expression. A stray lock of hair blew in front of his face, briefly hiding his eyes. </p><p>“Obi-Wan?” His name was a question on her lips. Not a hurried one, because his disposition told her not to be afraid, which left her feeling mystified. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Obi-Wan swallowed hard and Padmé’s heart rose from her stomach and began beating wildly inside her chest as he took her hand. Gently he stroked her palm. “Is there somewhere we can be alone? I-I have something …” He paused to exhale the nervousness he was so clearly exuding. “That is … there is something I would like to say to you. Alone.”</p><p>Then deliberately and also rather clumsily- as if he’d had no experience with it before- he drew her hand to his lips. Surprise seemed to rob Padmé of the ability to speak and she was grateful for it, afraid that a laugh might escape her mouth. Not over what he’d done, but from what she never thought possible. </p><p>There was a breathless moment that spread between them as he waited for a response, his hand still holding hers. And she desperately wanted to give him one, although, her heart- now locked tightly inside her throat- kept her speechless. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she found her voice again and apparently also her ability to tease. “Well,” she replied with a gentle smile, “there is always Rael’s barn.”</p><p>Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow, a hint of the man she remembered him to be, one who could give as good as he got when the mood called for it. Their friendship wasn’t about protecting the other from playful barbs. They could hurt and cry and heal together and part of that process required humor. A rule he seemed to understand when he responded, “Well, to be honest, I’d rather not tell you how much I love you surrounded by massive piles of junk, but who knows? It is where I realized how much you mean to me and how I never want to be apart from you again. So maybe it would give us the right ambiance. You might be on to something.”</p><p>"Of course, I am. And by the way, I love you too. Sorry I couldn't have said that around big piles of junk." Padmé grinned and let out a soft chuckle that grew louder until Obi-Wan joined in and they became a chorus of laughter. Then she fell into his arms and he held her for an immeasurable amount of time. Long enough that Beru had to come out and fetch her just as she’d predicted.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Obi-Wan whispered.</p><p>“Don’t apologize.”</p><p>“But I let you go. I hurt you.”</p><p>“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”</p><p>“I promise you, Padmé, I’ll stay by your side as long as you want me near. I’ll never leave you again.”</p><p>Padmé didn’t think there would ever be a time when she wouldn’t want him near and tried to make out his features in the limited light. Her room was quiet and utterly still save for the soft breathing of Luke and Leia. “Always here for me? For us?” she quietly asked.</p><p>“Always.”</p><hr/><p>   </p><p>The next morning it rained, a rare occurrence on the desert planet. In all her time living here, Padmé had only heard the tinny sounds of drops striking the scrap metal that made up Rael’s home a handful of times. She’d even run out in it once with Luke in her arms while Obi-Wan held Leia. The twins had squealed in delight as soft beads of water landed on their skin and then fell away. It was a memory she thought of often. The sound of rain was different as it fell against the Lars home. Similar to Naboo- soft and calming- and it mirrored how she felt. </p><p>“Do you hear that?” Obi-Wan’s voice rose softly above the pitter-patter dancing along the roof. He was sitting on the floor next to her bed, Leia in his arms and an exaggerated look of wonder on his face. In her drowsy state, it took Padmé a moment to realize he was speaking to their daughter and not her. He hadn’t noticed she was awake yet and Padmé made sure to keep quiet, wanting to capture this tender moment between father and child and lock it away in her heart forever.</p><p>When sleeping arrangements were made the night before, Obi-Wan thought it would be best to ease into their relationship and chose a mat on the floor next to the children’s cots. Padmé found his hesitation both endearing and frustrating while understanding where it sprang from. If you were late to love, it wasn’t always obvious how to navigate such a delicate thing, especially if you were a Jedi who tended to fall in line with the rules. Obi-Wan was essentially breaking away from a crucial part of what he’d been taught. There was no way around it. They were attached. Irrevocably. </p><p>“Good morning, my darling,” he said, his vision finally falling on her. </p><p>“Good morning,” she replied, sitting up. The term of endearment was new. Apparently, she was a darling now. It made her heart feel fuzzy with warmth.</p><p>Obi-Wan placed Leia back in her cot and came to sit beside Padmé. She giggled when his beard prickled against her skin during a kiss. He made some arbitrary comment about shaving it off to goad her and she gently slapped his shoulder while still allowing him to draw her in for one more intimate moment. Among many more to come in the years ahead of them.</p><p><em>This is what joy feels like</em> she thought as he walked back to their children who were now both awake and begging for their father’s attention. And as she watched them play, a sensation bloomed inside her chest. The same one that had saddled her with so much anxiety this past month, making her fear she was losing her sanity. This time there was no distress. She was with Obi-Wan. Where she belonged. It no longer needed to lure them back together.</p><p>Briefly, Padmé wondered about that invisible awareness  ... if it truly was what she thought it might be. She was no Jedi, but she <em>was </em>in love with one. Perhaps Obi-Wan might know. She'd ask him about it later. But not today. Today she had plans to go dancing out in the rain with her family. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know this isn't how the Force is supposed to work, but I thought it would be a bit romantic if it was what brought them back together.</p><p>I didn't want to get too deep into their love life. If I do write that part of their story, it will be in a different fic with a different rating.</p><p>Thanks for sticking with me. At this point, I have no idea if any readers are around that started this journey with me last year as I never intended to drag this story out for so long. I blame the pandemic for making it impossible to write anything semi-original when anxiety was eating me alive. But I managed to finish and if you enjoyed what I wrote, please consider leaving a comment and letting me know.</p><p>Thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>